I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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