I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
