I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
