32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
