we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
