dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
