Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
