I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
