I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
