I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
