Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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