I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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