ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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