Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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