Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
