i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
