my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
