I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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