Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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