Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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