Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
