I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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