Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
