tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
