the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
