so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
