did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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