Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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