tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
