Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Your cock deserves a montage
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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