you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
