im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
