Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
