the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
