i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
