I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
