My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
