My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
