the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
