I love black thongs
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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