I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
