he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
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