All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
