His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
