I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
