my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
