Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
