dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
