in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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