I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
