yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Everyone says I win the strip club
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
